SWOP Disco Brunch and Sex Worker Social! Sunday, October 26

Currently or previously involved in the adult/erotic/sex industries?

Come socialize & luxuriate with us @ our monthly
“Last Sunday Sex Worker Social” by SWOP-Chicago

Disco Brunch & Cocktails & Coffee

**WHEN – SUN 10/26 – 12pm-4pm

**WHERE – Private gallery location in Pilsen, RSVP to devoeproductions@gmail.com for address

**Free, & a safe space for sex workers of all genders/expressions

RSVP on Facebook

Warning Signs: Patterns of Domestic Violence in Our Community

By Ruby Rue

 

Victims of violence are more likely to have experienced violence at the hands of someone they know. The same goes for sex workers. Domestic violence, when it happens to sex workers, is compounded, reinforced, and excused by whorephobia.

Here is a list of things to watch out for in a relationship that is specific to sex workers and our experiences.

Wheel of Violence: Adapted by U-Wisconsin Oshkosh from Minnesota Domestic Violence Interventions Project

Wheel of Violence: Adapted by U-Wisconsin Oshkosh

Emotional Abuse

behavior that threatens, intimidates, undermines the victim’s self-worth or self-esteem, or controls the victim’s freedom

Verbal Abuse

  • Abuser calls you any number of slurs against sex workers: ‘hooker,’ ‘whore,’ etc.
  • Abuser calls you names to demean you and your profession.
  • Abuser tells you that you don’t deserve to be loved, don’t deserve food, don’t deserve to live. (You do deserve to be loved, well fed, and able to live.)
  • Abuser threatens to harm you. Abuser leverages your profession and possible difficulty of police involvement should the abuser harm you.
  • Abuser threatens to harm you  if you don’t make enough money for them. These situations are specific to when the abuser is also your management/pimp.

 

Control

Due to whorophobia, it’s easy to rationalize ‘controlling’ behavior as genuine care, support or a ‘natural’ reaction to your work. Here are some controlling behaviors we’ve experienced:

  • Control can come from both partners who aren’t comfortable with you 5signsworking, and from partners who don’t think you’re working enough.
  • Comments like “I feel like [your sex worker friends] are out of control and a bad influence,” “I’m worried about your safety [traveling for work],” “I’m just worried about your future,” “I’m helping you set goals” or “I’m just trying to help you get your shit together.”
  • Often, sex worker partners want to control “how” you work, when you work, what you do at work, or get jealous of your clients and want to know what you’re doing all the time, and may question/doubt what you tell them. Sometimes, it’s a flat-out demand for you to quit your job. Sometimes, it’s a flat-out demand to work more.
  • A partner ‘trying to help you get your shit together’ may give you directives about exactly how you should ‘fix’ your life, have unreasonable expectations and demands, and micro-manage. Suggestions are always okay, but it is never okay for someone else to set your schedule, set your goals, tell you exactly what you should do, or how you should go about doing it.

 

Jealousy and Possessiveness

A subset of control, this one is something that sex workers are especially vulnerable to…and that many of our friends, family, or colleagues may think is normal. This is how it looks:

  • Abuser conflates you seeing your clients with you having affairs. Abuser does not understand the difference between an affair and seeing a client for a job.
  • Abuser is “okay” with your job so long as they have control over who you see, when, or where. This can be a dangerous situation because it hinders your ability to screen clients, etc.
  • Abuser does not approve of you talking to other sex workers or having friends who are sex workers.

Isolation and Threats

Abusers often isolate victims from their support network to gain control. For sex workers, stigma already does so much to isolate us from our primary community support systems (as well as alienate us from social service support systems). Here are some ways abusers can further isolate sex worker partners:

  • For sex worker parents, a partner/pimp may pressure you to have a schedule that keeps you away from your kids and that family/friends/local day-cares can’t meet child care needs for, and then arrange childcare.
  • isolationA partner may pressure you to distance yourself from other sex worker friends, to quit your job or to keep a schedule that impedes your relationships with family. A partner may also use sex work as a reason why you can never interact with your partner’s family, friends, or network. Like control, for sex workers, it’s easy to rationalize and empathize with your partner’s concerns.
  • Isolation can also be convincing you that you won’t get support elsewhere, or threatening to isolate you from support systems. A partner might question your ability to find someone who’ll love you besides them, given your work. An ex-partner might respond to your questions about child support payments with, “Sure, you go tell a judge I’m not paying, and I’ll tell a judge what you’re doing for a living.” A pimp or manager may convince you that you will not receive support from social services or the police if you reach out.


DVdoesntDISCRIMINATE220-no-url

Economic Abuse

When one intimate partner has control over the other partner’s access to economic resources, or discourages or prevents the other partner from working to get economic resources.

 

Discourages or Prevents you from earning income

  • Your partner has convinced you that all problems in your relationship are based on how you make money, you might quit… and end up financially reliant on the partner.
  • Your partner may offer to financially support you if you quit sex work, and subsequently counter requests for support in meeting basic needs with claims that you are a ‘gold digger’ ‘useless’ or ‘in the relationship for money’.

 

Takes and ‘manages’ money you earn from you ‘for your own good’

  • A partner may tell you that it’s dangerous for you to keep your own money or keep your own bank accounts, because what you do is illegal. They then take all of your money, and pay for your expenses, or say they’re making investments in your name.
  • A partner may also question your ability to take care of basic things on your own — they may attempt to convince you that you won’t be able to place ads or find clients, take care of your kids, find drugs, or manage finances without them.

Physical and Sexual Abuse

Sexual Violence

  • Abuser is under the false impression that because you are a sex worker that you are always sexually available.
  • Abuser is under the false impression that sex work is rape, which means, according to the abuser’s backwards logic, that it “doesn’t matter” if they sexually assault you.
  • A partner may withhold sex or intimacy as a way to punish you for working, for not working enough, for not making enough money, or until you give them money you’ve earned.

Physical Abuse

  • Slapping, hitting, kicking, etc. Even seemingly small things like slapping should not be disregarded. Small acts of violence can be meant to communicate how much they value you and your live (or rather, how much they don’t). Violence can escalate.
  • In the context of BDSM relationships, the Dom/Domme must respect when you code. Your Dom/Domme must respect your hard limits. Your Dom/Domme should not punish you for coding or for having limits. If your Dom/Domme breaks any of these rules, then they are an abuser masquerading as a Dominant.

 

How We Come to Accept this Behavior

Whorophobia and the abusers actions mutually reinforce each other, chip away at our sense of self-efficacy and ability and convince us that the abuse is understandable, that it’s our fault,  and that we can’t get and don’t deserve better.

 

Shifting the Blaming

  • Abuser may make you feel like the problems in your relationship are all your/your job’s fault, or like you don’t deserve the relationship.
  • The abuser may dismiss calmly expressed concerns about your relationship, and immediately refocuse the conversation to what you’re doing wrong or what’s wrong with you… or your job.
  • Comments like “I’m not answering your calls because I can’t talk to you right after you’ve screwed someone else,” “I just get really upset whenever you come home smelling like the club,”  “I’m normally not like this, I just can’t stand you stripping for/fucking/touching other people”
  • Abuser may use your job to justify violence: “I’ve never hit anyone else, but they weren’t f&%*ing other guys.”
  • Cheating – In the context of a monogamous relationship, your partner claims that it is “okay” for them to cheat because of your job. It is not okay.

 

Internal Monologue

  • Thinking to yourself, “I don’t deserve him/her in the first place because of what I do.”
  • Feeling afraid often; feeling “like you’re walking on eggshells.” Being more jumpy than usual.
  • Blaming yourself, blaming your job for problems at home.

 

The “Apology”

  • An abuser’s apology for their behavior includes blaming your job. They might say things like, “If you left that awful work, I wouldn’t be so angry,” “I just hate to see you degrading yourself,” or “It’s illegal, and it stresses me out.” These are not acceptable apologies for their behavior that was caused 100% by him/her and not by you or your job.

 

Recovery

Maybe you still have a job or still live in the same town, but either way, the aftermath of an abusive relationship is a very difficult period. You probably don’t think very highly of yourself, and you’re still filled with a lot of fear. Be patient with yourself. Everything isn’t going to fall back into place right away. Building up your life again from the bottom up takes a lot of time.

In every case, a victim has some part of their agency still intact, a healthy relationshiphowever small. The myth that agency has to be completely removed from the victim in order for the victim to be a victim is a fallacy that limits the definition of abuse and therefore perpetuates victim-blaming.

Abuse is always simultaneously an abuse of trust. You trust that someone you love isn’t going to harm you, or if they have, that they’re going to change and never do that again. You trust that the people you work with aren’t going to harm you. These are basic assumptions that we carry in our lives in order live, and abusers are people who disregard and take advantage of that trust.

Regardless of what society… or an abusive partner tells you – you do deserve support, and you can get support. If you reach out for support, you have a right to withhold your story. You have a right to tell your story. It’s all up to you, and what makes you feel safe and understood.

 

Resources

 

  • Peer Support can be great. Reach out to local sex worker advocacy groups, like SWOP. (Feel free to use a pseudonym if you’re more comfortable that way). If there’s not a sex worker support group near you, you can also get peer support online.
  • Domestic Violence services are victim-centered, and are there to help you, not judge. Click here for a link of resources ‘approved’ by the sex worker community.
  • If you have experience stigma or prejudice from a domestic violence service provider, know that it’s not your responsibility to educate those employed to help you, and know you can contact us to respond.

Domestic Violence Awareness Month: Intimate Partner Violence and Sex Work

Today is the first day of October, Domestic Violence Awareness month.

As an organization that promotes the rights and well-being of people involved in the sex trade, raising awareness about and addressing intimate partner violence in our community is incredibly important.DV-Awareness-Month1

Discussion on sex work and violence is prolific. People talk and write about the relationship between childhood sexual and domestic violence and work in the sex trade; about sex work as a form of violence against women or violence as inherent to the sex trade; about the murders of sex workers, and sexual violence at the hands of clients and strangers. Occasionally, discussion turns to stigma, criminalization, and violence at the hands of institutions and police. But violence against sex workers from those closest to sex workers is almost never discussed… And it should be.

As sex workers, we experience high rates of intimate partner violenceextra vulnerabilitieselevated levels of victim-blaming, and heightened barriers to getting professional and community support. And as participants in a fringe, if not underground economy, labor abuses and exploitation we experience is frequently similar to if not indistinguishable from intimate partner violence. 

This October, we’ll be using our blog to open discussion about and shed some light on intimate partner violence in our community. We invite current or former sex workers to participate by sharing thoughts, stories, essays or art work to publish on the SWOP-Chicago website.

If you’d to participate, please email meg@swop-chicago.org. We welcome anything and have included some ideas below. We’re also happy to provide editing support if you’d like.

Blog ideas include but are in no way limited to: art, first-person reflections, personal essays, tips on supporting sex workers targeting other sex workers, DV professionals, or friends and family, literature reviews, ideas on how to address intimate partner violence against sex workers, criticism of research, media, or culture, articles bringing together coverage of DV and sex work, and photos.

SWOP September Calendar – Edits + Additions!

Please note the following additions and changes to our activities calendar for the rest of the month!

  • Tue, September 16, 7-8:30 PM — Rescheduled Street Outreach in East Garfield Park

This week only we are rescheduling outreach to Tuesday

  • Wed, September 17, 12-1pm – PROS Network Member Brown-Bag Lunch

Final-Flyer-FOR-WEBLocation – Jane Addams Hull House – 800 S Halsted | Free + open to all social service providers.

SWOP-Chicago invites PROS Network Members and all service providers who work with individuals impacted by the sex trade to join us for a brown bag lunch meeting.

Register Online!

Contact Molly at Mollykillorin@gmail.com with any questions!

  • Thu-Fri, September 18-19 – Toledo Prostitution, Sex Work and Trafficking Conference.

SWOP-Chicago members will be heading out to Toledo to attend the Prostitution, Sex Work and Trafficking Conference. For more information about the conference, see conference website!

  • Sun, September 21, 1:30-3:15 — Grant-Writing Training and Meeting

Location — Uptown.

We will have social time from 1:30-2:00, and the Fundraising and Grantwriting training and meeting will start promptly at 2pm.

Email meg@swop-chicago.org to RSVP or for Address

  • Sun, September 21, 3:30-6:00 — New Board Member Orientation Session

Location — Uptown

SWOP-Chicago is excited to add 6 new members to our team! New board members are asked to join us for a crash-course on effective team leadership, strategic planning, facilitation, conflict resolution, and the role of a board in all-volunteer non-profits. A Subsequent New Board Member Orientation will be held for individuals unable to make this date.

  • Sun, September 28, 10:30-1:30PM – Last Sunday Sex Worker Social [Brunch]

Location – Ravenswood

Join us for mingling, mixing, good food and music and more! This event is open to current and former sex workers only.

Please RSVP to meg@swop-chicago.org for address.

  • Sun, September 28, 2-3:30PM – International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers Planning Meeting

Location – Lincoln Square

Help us plan activities to commemorate December 17 — International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers. 

Please RSVP to meg@swop-chicago.org for address.

September SWOP Calendar

Recurring Events:

  • Every Thursday, 6:30-8:00 p.m.: Street-outreach at Sacramento and Madison. Come for coffee, snacks, resource-referrals and condoms. Email meg@swop-chicago.org if you’d like volunteer.
  • Second Wednesday of the Month, 6:30-9:00 p.m:  Monthly SWOP Meeting at a NEW LOCATION in Pilsen.  Email info@swop-chicago.org for address.

End of August Events

  • August 31, 11am – 2pm Evening – Last Sunday Sex Worker Social

Location – Near Harold Washington Librarycat

SWOP-Chicago invites folks currently or previously involved in the adult entertainment industry & sex trade to join us for a social mixer.

 To RSVP, please email meg@swop-chicago.org

September Events

  • Fri, September 3, 8 am – 5pm | Harm Reduction in the House Conference

UIC Student Center East, 750 S. Halsted St., Chicago

SWOP-Chicago will be joining a myriad of other amazing organizations to talk about harm-reduction approaches to providing services to different populations. We’ll be talking about…you guessed it[!] Harm reduction approaches to individuals involved in the sex trade.

For more information, see conference website

  • Sat, September 6, 6-9 pm – Monica Jones Reception + TJLP Zine Releasemonica

Location – Jane Addams Hull House – 800 S Halsted

Join Monica Jones, Project NIA, SWOP-Chicago + TJLP for an evening of food, celebration & community. For more information, click here!

  • Wed, September 10, 6:30-9 pm – Monthly Organizing Meeting

Pilsen | RSVP to info@swop-chicago.org for address

  • Wed, September 17, 12-1pm – PROS Network Member Brown-Bag Lunch

Final-Flyer-FOR-WEBLocation – Jane Addams Hull House – 800 S Halsted | Free + open to all social service providers.

SWOP-Chicago invites PROS Network Members and all service providers who work with individuals impacted by the sex trade to join us for a brown bag lunch meeting.

Register Online!

Contact Molly at Mollykillorin@gmail.com with any questions!

 

  • Thu-Fri, September 18-19 – Toledo Prostitution, Sex Work and Trafficking Conference.

SWOP-Chicago members will be heading out to Toledo to attend the Prostitution, Sex Work and Trafficking Conference. For more information about the conference, see conference website!

** – Chicago-Land Sex Worker Events organized by other individuals and groups.

We’re excited about them, and think you might be too :-) 

9/6: Reception for Monica Jones + TJLP ‘Zine Release

Join Monica Jones, Project NIA, Sex Workers Outreach Project – Chicago & Transformative Justice Law Project on Saturday, September 6 for an evening of food, music, and community.

hiddenexpressions

The reception will feature a talk by LBGT and Sex Worker Rights activist, Monica Jones, and speeches by individuals from the Transformative Justice Law Project to celebrate the release of the second volume of their ‘zine “Hidden Expressions.”

Saturday, September 6 | 6-9pm | Opening Remarks begin at 6:30pm

Jane Addams Hull House Museum | 800 S. Halsted,  Chicago, IL


About Monica Jones
monicaMonica Jones is an LGBT and sex worker rights activist who lives in Phoenix. She is a also a student at Arizona State University’s School of Social Work and a member of SWOP Phoenix (Sex Worker Outreach Project).

During sting operations lead by Project ROSE, a compulsory diversion program in May 2013, Monica spoke at a community event protesting the program. The next evening, as the Project ROSE stings continued, police arbitrarily arrested Monica and charged her with “manifesting prostitution.” Monica was convicted in April 2014 of “manifesting prostitution” and, with the help of the ACLU and SWOP Phoenix, is currently appealing the conviction.

Monica will be travelling to Australia to intern at the sex worker organization Scarlet Alliance.


About Hidden Expressions v. 2
We invite you to celebrate the release of the Transformative Justice Law Project’s (TJLP) Hidden Expressions Volume 2, a zine showcasing fabulous stories, artwork, erotica, how-to guides, survival tips, and poetry created by and for incarcerated transgender and gender nonconforming people. The goal of this publication is to combat the isolation and silence that the prison-industrial complex inflicts by connecting incarcerated trans and gender non-conforming people with each other, as well as with their friends, family, allies, and the larger Prison Abolition movement, both inside and outside of prisons and jails.


This volume is the result of two and a half years of mail correspondence and collaboration among three transgender women in prison and one trans woman on the outside. With this ‘zine, we aim to share our wisdom, stories, and strategies with each other, to support the revolutionary organizing that is happening already on the inside, and to set ourselves on our own path to liberation. We believe that as a collective of transgender people impacted by the prison system, we have the responsibility to support each other’s survival, and working on this ‘zine alone has breathed life into the four of us and our contributors. We are deeply inspired by these artists, writers, and revolutionaries, and we are thrilled to celebrate their resilience and resistance!

Sponsored by…
Transformative Justice Law Project of Illinois | Sex Workers Outreach Project – Chicago | Project NIA

If you are unable to attend and want to support Monica Jones court costs and travel fees, you can donate directly via paypal to: freedom.for.monica@gmail.com